I'm here with Prometheus director Ridley Scott and writer Damon Lindelof. Thanks to you both for coming. So, first, I wanted just bring up a few things some of your fans are calling “plot holes”...
Ridley Scott: Plot holes? We try not to think of it like that. I mean, really, the film is just one big gasping hole in which tiny mote-like bits of plot swim about like diseased sperm. Of course, the real question is: which of those wriggling specks is a coherent plot point and which is bullshit to serve the exigency of our erratic script? That’s up to you to decide! I’d say we have a 1:9 split at the moment! [laughs]
Damon Lindelof: And then it’s really down to the viewer to try and fill the rest of that echoing narrative void with their imagination.
Ridley: And their tweets!
Damon: Oh yeah, definitely. So, really only 12% of the film actually happens on the big screen: the rest is on Twitter, or on [does air-quotes] internet chat-rooms, or in your kitchen. We want the film to provoke questions - questions that you the viewer then spend endless hours debating fruitlessly online with other people who are desperately projecting their own meaning onto the film as their tiny brains scrabble to gain purchase on our cinematic shitslide! [laughs]
Ridley: Questions like: why are all these characters cliche, implausible and behaving without any discernible logic?
Damon: Why can’t Ridley direct dialogue any more? [laughs]
Ridley: Why does everyone have such ludicrously mangled accents?
Damon: Why is Benjamin Button in the film?
Ridley: At what point did I transform from the director of The Duellists, Blade Runner and Alien, into some sort of cheap-seat blockbuster marketeer? [laughs]
Damon: What does the black goo do?
Ridley: Oh well now, that one does have an answer: it does whatever the next page of the script needs it to! [laughs] It’s basically our sonic screwdriver, or, as Hitchcock would have called it, “horseshit”. But mostly we’re not in the business of just giving out answers here - that would require us to have thought through some of this toss! [laughs]
Damon: Basically we’re looking at a future where we shatter narrative forms across as many possible media as possible - hopefully tricking the audience into thinking there is actually some interconnected web of mysteries rather than just a slurry of ill-formed brain-guff. Cha-ching! [laughs]
Ridley: Of course, if you just went to see it in the cinema hoping to witness some sort of cogent, self-contained fiction you’d be fucked! [laughs]
Damon: It’d be incomprehensible gash! [laughs]
Ridley: But fuck those guys! [gaffaws]
Damon: We have your money now! [weeping with laughter]
Ridley: We’re making sequels with it! [shrieking hysterically, Ridley’s chest erupts in a gout of blood. Michael Fassbender’s head emerges playing a piccolo. But why? What could it mean? Watch for next year’s viral video to find out!]